Author, Speaker, Autism Expert

Johnny Depp and My 2012 Goals

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  January 9th, 2012 |  Print Print  | 

Someone I met recently commented that they noticed I had not posted a blog here since May 2011.  I can’t believe it’s been that long but  I’ve been busy co-authoring a book (yes, another autism book!).

But I’m back here today – because I woke up this morning from a really weird dream brought on by my daytime worries.  Even if the dream involved Johnny Depp (more on the dream, later),  obviously I am overwhelmed and stressed  – probably like many of you reading this. And I wanted to share something I hope will be helpful.

After I woke up from my dream (and got over the initial excitement of having visited with Johnny Depp while still in my own bed) I decided enough was enough, and that I had to start walking the talk I give autism parents about taking care of themselves.

So I decided to follow the advice of  Chris Brogan. I received an email describing how in the last few years Chris has skipped the tradition of creating New Year’s Resolutions (soon forgotten) and instead he  creates  three words that describe what he wants to focus on for the coming year.  I thought that was a great idea and could help my stress level.

Here are my three words: (none of which are Johnny or Depp):

Produce:  I have great ideas, and I follow through when there are clear-cut deadlines ( for a publisher or a speaking engagement), but my own professional projects (AutismCollege.com)  and  personal ones (exercise,  develop my personal relationships, mentor my autistic son Jeremy in reaching his life goals) don’t get completed in a timely fashion.  So this year, I will produce the projects I have identified as crucial and dear to my heart. Which takes me to my second word…

Flow: In order to have more time to produce, I need to eliminate distractions and clutter in all areas of my life. I’m interested in so many things and I easily get distracted so I am learning to have blinders like a racing horse does and focus on the finish line. Horses can still sense what they may not necessarily see, and I hope I have the same instincts when necessary.

Collaborate: Often I am so busy with outside deadlines that I don’t make the effort to spend time with people who I could effectively partner with to reach mutually beneficial professional and personal goals.  This year, I will focus on collaborating with like-minded people who have similar goals.

Hopefully, what I’ve shared is helpful to you. However, I know most of you just want to hear about my dream involving Johnny Depp (rated PG). So here it is:

I dreamt I was visiting my daughter, Rebecca, who was staying with a musician friend, helping him break into the music business. (Rebecca is a volunteer DJ at the UC Davis radio station).  Johnny Depp was staying there as well (big surprise!). While I’m there Johnny asks Rebecca to help him with the computer to hear an on-line training course that is discussing streams of income and sales funnels and handling your wealth.  I am nervous meeting Johnny, so I try to make conversation  about how Rebecca could use information  like that because she is having such a tough time finding a part time job (reality) while at college, and could use money, and as I continue talking I realize that I sound like I am asking Johnny Depp for money and for a job for Rebecca, which I am not. I’m just having a bad case of  foot in- mouth disease.  I feel really stupid. Only my daughter was more embarrassed than I was.  We climb into a small boat to reach the small stage where Rebecca’s musician friend is playing, and getting out of the boat I splash my husband’s best friend from New Jersey, and his wife and practically drown them. Embarrassment after embarrassment. You know the feeling.

That’s my dream. So this morning I woke up, wrote PRODUCE, FLOW, COLLABORATE on a piece of paper and put it on the dining room table (center of the house) and every time I do something now I ask if it fits in with my goals. I’ll keep you posted on how my three words work out.

What are you focusing on this year?

If you are still reading this far and you know Johnny Depp, tell him I’m not asking for money, but if he needs info on autism, tell him to check out my books and websites, and to call me if he has time for lunch. We could collaborate on something. Hopefully, his good looks won’t be too much of a distraction.

Best wishes  to you and your family for 2012!

“Geek Dad: Awesomely Geeky Projects and Activites for Dads and Kids to Share” Free copy available

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  December 13th, 2010 |  Print Print  | 

Geek Dad book

I’m not trying to out any Geeky moms or Geeky dads for that matter (notice I haven’t mentioned autism or Asperger’s Syndrome). But I couldn’t resist posting this – my publisher offered to send a free book to  a person of my choosing -  and I thought it would make a great present for winter break – lots of time to try stuff out, right?

I am not considered a Geek, yet I have always loved cool activities to do with my kids. I have always completed activities, they just never looked or turned out the way they were supposed to.  Let’s face it, I’ve always been a geek wannabee.  This book, Geek Dad: Awesomely Geeky Projects and Activities for Dads and Kids to Share by Ken Denmead speaks to the inner geek in all of us. Ken is the editor of GeekDad, a blog on Wired magazine’s Web site.  A professional civil engineer, he lives near San Francisco with his two sons, who are both geeks in training.

Here is a great book and I can send you a free copy. Just write a comment below (or send me a private email if you are too shy) within the next 48 hours, and I will pick one of you to get a copy from the publisher for free.

Meanwhile, here is  an  activity from the book – making coloring pages:

Because there are levels to artistic ability and interest, I’ll show you two different coloring pages you can make. First, the classic dot-to-dot, then coloring sheets. They are all made from images you can find online or scan into your computer from sources at home.

Dot-to-Dot Coloring Page

To start, you have to pick the image you want to turn into the coloring page. For dot-to-dots, it’s going to be a lot easier to select simple images, though if you’re patient and want more detail, you can go for the gusto with more detailed pictures. But dot-to-dots are great for younger kids who are learning about staying within the borders. And they love to be amazed by what they can create by drawing a series of lines between dots.

For this example, we’re going really simple—an image of the sigil of the Rebel Alliance.

(Advisory: If you are reasonably experienced with graphics software and know what a layer is, you can skip down a couple of paragraphs to the one that starts “Select a pen . . .”.)

Assuming you’re a geek, we are going to figure you have some manner of graphics software, probably for touching up pictures from your digital camera. Common (and pretty good) examples of such software include Photoshop Elements (the cheaper, easier-to-use version of the industry standard Photoshop) available on Mac or PC; Pixelmator for the Mac; or GIMP, which works on PC, Mac, or Linux and is FREE FREE FREE. Maybe you haven’t played around with the software that much. If that’s the case, here’s a quick lesson about the first feature you’re going to use.

A layer is a standard concept in image editing software. Conceptually, it’s very simple. Imagine if you took a printed picture and laid a piece of tracing paper over it, and then copied the features by hand on that tracing paper. Well, a layer is just like tracing paper, only it works digitally on the computer, and you can have as many of them as you want.

Step 1: For this project, you open your base image in the editing software of your choice. Then you  add a layer. Most of these pieces of software have a menu actually called “Layer” from which you can “Add a Layer.” Once you’ve done that, there is a perfectly transparent layer of digital tracing paper on top of your image, upon which you can now trace, without affecting the original picture.

Step 2: Select a pen or pencil tool and a fairly small brush size to make your dots with. Draw black dots all around the edges of the image, at relatively even intervals. Straight lines need only one dot at either end. Curves need more so that, when they are connected, they will better re-create the curve.

Step 3: These programs should have a separate control window that shows all the layers in the current project. From this window, you can now “turn off” the layer with the original image on it so that you see only the dots.

Step 4: If you want to go all the way, you can also use the program’s text feature to add numbers next to each dot to give your artist a sequence to follow. Or you can just save this file and print as many of them as your kids want to color, letting them be creative and decide how to connect the dots.

Coloring Book Pages

Obviously, older kids and those with more advanced coloring skills are going to be hankering for something a bit more challenging than connect-the-dots. What’s great is that these graphics programs have filters that let you kick out coloring pages by the ream with only a couple of clicks. They require even less work than the dot-to-dots.

Pick an image. For this example, I used a snapshot I took of my classic Nauga (http://www.nauga.com/promoitems_nauga.html) in my office. I opened the image in Pixelmator and then used “Filter-Stylize-Line Overlay” to automatically find the edges in the image and drop everything else out, making a perfect coloring sheet (there are settings you can tweak to get it “just right”).

In Photoshop Elements, the process is nearly as easy. Open the image, and use “Filter-Stylize-Find Edges.” Then use “Enhance-Convert to Black-and–White” to drop out the colors, and you have much the same effect.

In GIMP, you can try “Colors-Desaturate,” then ”Filters-Edge Detect-Neon” and “Colors-Invert” to get a similar effect. You may need to play with some settings to get an optimal result (and you can save those settings for future uses). GIMP is just as powerful at the other programs in many ways, but it is not quite as user-friendly, so there’s a bit more of a learning curve.

Once you have the technique down, you can whip these out en masse and build your kids (or get your kids to build) their own coloring books, using images they find online (Google Image Search is excellent for this, though make sure you keep an eye out for inappropriate content; or try the Web sites for the cartoon shows they like—Disney or Nickelodeon) or scans from other books or sources.

One other way to do this—with slightly less creativity (and therefore less geek factor) but without the need for special software—is the Coloring Page Maker at the Crayola Crayons Web site: http://play-zone.crayola.com/.

Putting Yourself First

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  November 7th, 2010 |  Print Print  | 

This past week, I finally made it to the RoadRunner store to buy a pair of running shoes. I have not been getting my normal amount of exercise (walking or elliptical, plus core strengthening) and I was feeling it. Lethargic, less energy and putting on weight. And when I did exercise, my sneakers were so worn I was worried about my back and left right knee (go ahead and laugh if you are under 35, you’ll soon understand what I’m talking about….). I knew it had been a while since I had bought a new pair – but when I got to the checkout – I was told my current sneakers were purchased in July 2009. YIKES!

How did I let exercise – the one thing that keeps me healthy and sane (OK, maybe not sane but at least behaving appropriately in public settings) slide off my schedule?

Upon reflection, what has happened in the last two years is that I had put myself on the bottom of both the “scheduling support people for Jeremy list” and  the “to-do list.”  Parents and educators,  you know what I mean – you all do it. When you have special needs children your life can get swallowed up by your child’s or student’s needs.  I have been squeezing in my writing (ie paid work), my socializing (ie refreshing my social skills) and my exercise (ie keeping healthy) around Jeremy’s needs and everyone’s schedule.

I often tell parents and educators  during my presentations that they have to take time for themselves. Like the cabin crew tells you on the plane – you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. Same goes for real life. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will, and you won’t be  any good to anyone else. So please, do as I say and not as I  have been doing.

Now, I’m putting my priorities first on the schedule. Everything else is secondary. (At least till the new shoes get a little mileage on them).

Back to School : how to prepare your teen for a new school year

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  September 2nd, 2010 |  Print Print  | 

It’s that time of the year again – school is starting up again soon, along with our hopes and expectations for a positive learning experience for our teens. Some maybe returning to the same school; others may be moving from middle school up to high school, or changing from high school to a transition program; others may only be changing classrooms or teachers. Whatever the situation, any type of transition or change can be stressful for a teen on the spectrum. The start of a new school year can also be stressful for parents and teachers.

I first posted this article on the Examiner.com last August (2009), but it is still useful information so I am reposting now.

On August 15th,2009, I presented at the annual “Back to School”  Autism / Asperger conference in Pasadena and had the opportunity to refresh my memory on some good readiness skills for the start of the new school year. A2Z Educational Advocates based in Pacific Palisades had some good tips to share in a “Back to School Guide” they were handing out. Following are some tips from both the “Back to School Guide” and from my book Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum to help the transition go smoothly for your teen or student:

  • If  your student is moving to a new school or classroom, take photos or videos of the new environment, including the areas he/she will be walking through. If possible, take the teen to the new location before school starts and practice walking around the empty campus. Have him /her notice some visual landmarks he/she  will be able to see when the campus is full of students, and explain to him/her how to use these as points of references when walking from one place to another.
  • Prime your teen by talking to him/her  about the upcoming school year, the teacher and expectations, as well as any fears or concerns your teen has. Creating a photo album together or writing social stories can be very helpful. Even if your teen does not have good communication skills or is non-verbal, he/she can  learn to  understand and make the connection, so it is worth the effort to take the extra time to do this. Going over the appropriate behaviors and social interaction for the school environment can also be helpful. Many students find having a set of ‘rules’  for school behavior helpful. Focus on the positive!
  • Help your teen get organized to prepare for the school year.
  1. Use color-coded folders to organize the work for the different classes.
  2. Get a planner for your teen. Many schools have a homework planner, and your teen can use this to keep track of homework assignments. Show him/her  how to write his assignments in the planner and reinforce him/her  for doing so through out the school year.
  3. Designate a spot in your teen’s backpack for forms, notes and so on that come home from school, and make sure your teen and the school staff know where that is.
  4. If your teen is fully included in a school that follows block scheduling such as in some North San Diego County high schools (one day is periods 1,3,5; the next day is periods 2,4,6) you may wish to consider having two separate backpacks for the two different block days days.
  5. If your teen needs assistance to organize himself and stay organized (as mentioned above), his / her IEP may need to include accommodations, strategies, and goals related to learning these skills. Being able to get and stay organized is an important life skill everyone needs to learn

In my next column, tips on how to make the transition back to school easier for parents and teachers will be discussed.

“THE STATE OF THINGS” North Carolina Public Radio station WUNC

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  April 22nd, 2010 |  Print Print  | 

Click here for a link to the radio show

The program is “The State of Things” on North Carolina Public Radio station WUNC.  Longtime NPR correspondent Frank Stasio hosts the program, which  this time  focused on autism.

The way Franc Stasio introduced me is a description I think describes what all autism moms and dads tend to be – strategists:

“… Jeremy is almost 22 now and  he is thriving thanks to an army of experts whose chief strategist and leader of the troops is his mother.” Frank Stasio, host of radio show ‘The State of Things” on WUNC, North Carolina Public Radio, April 2010.

I was on a panel that will include  Autism Society of North Carolina  spokesperson David Laxton; and a representative of the North Carolina TEACCH program, and Daniel Coulter.  TEACCH stands for “Treatment and Education of Autistic and related Communication Handicapped Children” and is associated with the North Carolina School of Medicine.

How to Teach a Child or Teen with Autism the Concept of Waiting

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  April 20th, 2010 |  Print Print  | 

There are a few things in life that are certain: paying taxes, death and waiting. No matter who you are, part of your life will be spent waiting. Unfortunately, the “waiting” concept is not one that is picked up by osmosis for many children  on the spectrum. Hopefully, they will have learned this concept  by the time they are teens, but I’m still including it in this column because it is a necessary life skill everyone needs to learn – on and off the spectrum. We all have to wait in line at the grocery store, wait at the doctors office, wait for a turn on our favorite ride at Disneyland, wait at the restaurant for our food. Children also have to learn how to wait  at holiday events,  when traveling, at home for things they can’t have right away or to go out for a ride in the car. As children grow into teens and become more responsible for their behavior, waiting is definitely a skill they will be expected to use in the community.

Teaching the concept of waiting

waiting

Here’s one way of teaching the concept of waiting:

  • Make a nice- sized (4×4 or bigger) picture icon that has a figure sitting  in a chair, and the face of a clock on it. Put it somewhere convenient and noticeable, such as the refrigerator.
  • Glue a piece of velcro  on the big icon for putting a smaller  icon of requested item on it.
  • Have a timer available.
  • Have small icons of the child’s favorite items that he likes to request.
  • Have those items (food or toys) within his eyesight but out of his reach (but easily within yours).
  • When child asks for item out of reach, show him the corresponding icon, place it on the bigger waiting icon, and say “we are waiting” and set timer for whatever his capability for waiting  is at this point (10 seconds, 30 seconds, 1 minute).
  • As soon as the timer rings, give him immediately the requested item. Tell him “We are finished waiting.”
  • Do this many times  whenever the opportunity arises and extend the amount of time until the child can wait longer and longer.

Each child is different in how long this will take or for how long he can learn to wait (and this will change as well over time).  Eventually when he is asking for a ride in the car and you can’t go right away, you can tell him “Not now, in 10 more minutes your sister will be ready. We are waiting,” and he will get the idea that he may not get what he wants now, but he will get what he wants eventually. This will lessen his frustration, and subsequently, yours.

Temple Grandin and Jeremy Sicile-Kira to Keynote on-line Autism Conference

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  April 7th, 2010 |  Print Print  | 

No-Cost Virtual  conference and new book highlight Autism Awareness month.

In honor of Autism Awareness month, momsfightingautism.com is offering a free virtual conference with 17 different presenters over two days on Saturday, April 10th and Sunday 11th from 8:00 to 5:00 PST.

Temple Grandin, PH.D., subject of the recent HBO movie: Temple Grandin starring Claire Danes, will be the keynote speaker on Saturday April 10 at 8:00 am PST. Dr. Grandin is a designer of livestock handling facilities, Associate Professor of Animal Science at Colorado State University and a bestselling author (Thinking in Pictures). Dr. Gandin will be discussing Teaching Through Specific Examples, and will also discuss the Importance of Sensory Processing Disorder and it’s place in the DSM V which is currently being updated.

Temple Grandin and Chantal Sicile-kira

Acknowledging that autism is a spectrum with different abilities and challenges, the keynote on Sunday April 11 at 8:00 am PST will be given by Jeremy Sicile-Kira who was highlighted in the MTV award-winning True Life episode, “I Have Autism.” Jeremy will present on Learning With Autism: A Personal Viewpoint using power point with voice output. “Jeremy has experienced home schooling, special education and inclusion, and many types of therapies in California, France and the UK. It’s not often we get to hear from someone as impacted as Jeremy about what it is like to be on the receiving end of therapies and treatments,” explained Chantal Sicile-Kira, autism advocate and award-winning author who will be moderating both keynote presentations. Her latest book, 41 Things to Know About Autism, has just been published by Turner Publishing. Read More »

Autism: It’s A Family Thing

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  March 26th, 2010 |  Print Print  | 
The Sicile-Kira Family

Autism: It's A Family Affair

This article was posted on my Psychology Today Blog, The Autism Advocate , on March 26, 2010.

A couple of years a go I was asked to write an article on The Affects of Autism in Families and in Partner Relationships,  for the May/June 2008 issue of  Family Therapy Magazine.  Lately I have been getting emails in regards to autism and marital stress, and I thought I would reprint part of the article here, since the information is still valid. If you are interested in this topic, you may wish to read the chapter on  the financial and emotional stresses of autism on the family that appears in my new book 41 Things to Know About Autism (just published by Turner Publishing).

Family life is all about relationships and communication: relationships between two people in love, parents and children, siblings, extended family members. Yet, autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) are all about communication challenges, misunderstanding of social cues, and lack of emotional understanding, thus affecting every relationship in the family. In marriage, if one of the partners is on the spectrum, there will be more difficulties than the usual marital conflicts. Sibling issues are exacerbated by having an autistic sibling and/or a parent on the spectrum. Communication and social challenges can also impact the adult’s work situation. Grandparents are concerned about the effects of autism on their adult children (the parents), other grandchildren and future generations. Read More »

One Small Step Towards Self-Regulation

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  February 6th, 2010 |  Print Print  | 

How to teach your teen with autism to request a break

Self –regulation is a needed life skill  not practiced  by most teenagers. Often teens on the spectrum need sensory breaks to help them self-regulate, yet some are unable to communicate the need for one. If you are a parent or an educator, you may want to consider teaching the teen to request a break using a “ I need a break” card.

Let’s  say you have a student that you work one-on-one with for a one hour slot of time. Every time you sit down to work with him, after about 20 minutes he gets up and leaves the worktable and there is no holding him back.  What you need to do is teach him to communicate to you when he needs a break,  and allow him  to have  those needed breaks within reason.   Here is one way to do that: Read More »

Dr. Bernard Rimland 1928 – 2006

By Chantal Sicile-Kira |  January 27th, 2007 |  Print Print  | 

Dr. Bernard Rimland passed away just a few days before this past  Thanksgiving and will be mourned by many.  At times controversial, always searching for answers, he changed the way autism was viewed  worldwide. Those of us who knew him as Bernie will always feel a twinge of sorrow around this holiday, a reminder of how  much we have  to thank this pioneer who  played  David to the medical establishment’s Goliath.  As  research would prove, fighting Goliath  was not a lost cause  but a righteous endeavor.

The first time I heard  Dr. Bernard Rimland’s name  was the  day after a visit with my son to a psychoanalyst  for the only treatment on offer for autism  in Paris at the time. The bookshelf in the  waiting room   included  a few copies of ‘The Empty Fortress’ by Bruno  Bettleheim,   who believed that autism was a reaction to bad parenting and expounded  the ‘refrigerator mother’ theory of autism.

Dr. Rimland’s  book,  ‘Infantile Autism: The Syndrome and Its Implications for a Neural Theory of Behavior’(1964),  would have been a  better choice in this psychoanalyst’s  waiting room. In his book,  Dr. Rimland  lambasted  the then generally held view that autism was a psychological disorder, brought on by cold and unloving parents. His conclusion was  that autism was the result of   biochemical defects underlain, perhaps, by a genetic predisposition, but ultimately triggered by environmental assaults. This book grew out of the research he did searching for answers when his son, Mark,  born in 1956, displayed behaviors which are now easily recognizable as symptoms of autism but were rarely seen in those days.

The psychoanalyst I visited informed  me that  my son had autistic behaviors due to separation issues from breast feeding. This she  gleaned form watching my son play with two round objects, and  crawl across the floor  in an attempt to retrieve  one that he accidentally dropped.  Following this Allen Woodyesque moment, and looking for some  useful advice, I called an old friend and former colleague from a state hospital  for the developmentally disabled in California.   She gave me the telephone number  for  the Autism Research Institute, the non-profit  founded by Dr.Bernard Rimland in 1967. Read More »