Elaine Hall,  creator of the Miracle Project, author of Now I See the Moon, co-author of Seven Keys to Unlock Autism and  subject of the movie “AUTISM: The Musical” has this to say about A Full Life with Autism:

A Full Life with Autism provides parents of teens on the autistic spectrum understanding, guidance, hope, and resources to navigate the uncharted territory of adult living.  Thank you, Chantal and Jeremy Sicile-Kira for responding to questions that so many of us parents are aching to know.  Thank you for brilliantly weaving  the parent perspective with Jeremy’s internal dialogue.  Thank you, Jeremy  for bravely articulating what is really going on inside the mind/body of someone with autism. I will use your words as starting points in my discussions with my own son, Neal.

A Full Life with Autism reminds us that the true “experts” on autism are our children; and that we, the adults, must listen to their wants and desires, then find the resources to help them realize their dreams.  I will be recommending this book to everyone I know.

Dr. Cathy Pratt, BCBA-D, Director- Indiana Resource Center for Autism, Indiana Institute on Disability and Community; Former President of the Autism Society of America

It is inspirational, almost a parable, in its effect of drawing you into their story and teaching important principles, and yet it is also comprehensive in the executive task of helping us think about our values, goals and objectives in our mission to give a real life to our adults with autism and related challenges.

Perhaps one of the most important messages: behavior is a form of communication, and it is incumbent on the people around the person with autism to work to understand what that behavior is communicating without merely consigning it to a category of something to be gotten rid of.  Jeremy states: “I have oftentimes been the victim of ignorance.”  We must not be party to what Jeremy has suffered.  We need to be humble and helpful, persistently curious and ever respectful.  We cannot presume to know what we do not.  We must take the time to get to know the hopes and dreams of people whom we do not yet understand.

I was also intrigued by the undercurrent discussion of relationships that runs through the book in sections on friendship, sex, love, and support staff, as they all revolve around the quality and character of relationships.  How can we support, for the person and people around him, the development of more meaningful communication, relating, and problem-solving.  To the many thoughts already included I would add that it is often very helpful to support the person and caregivers by carving out regular reflective time to think through how things are going  - what is working, what isn’t, and what to do to try next to understand the situation better and try something different.

In all, this is a compelling, thoughtful, comprehensive and inspiring bible that belongs on the shelf of everyone who strives to help people with autism build a life in a complex world.

Joshua Feder MD, Director of Research of the Interdisciplinary Council on Developmental and Learning Disorders

For readers already knowledgeable about autism and Asperger’s syndrome, a hands-on approach to transitioning into adulthood.

Sicile-Kira (41 Things to Know about Autism, 2010, etc.) and her autistic son, Jeremy, join forces in this guidebook to help parents and their autistic offspring move beyond childhood and evolve into an adult life. Although special-education services exist for children with autism spectrum disorder, once a child reaches adulthood the lack of adult services becomes apparent. As the mother of a severely autistic child, the author understands the needs of caregivers and children on the spectrum alike to shift to a quality of life that provides independence for all parties. “To create the future that you and your adult child envision will take perseverance and work,” she writes. “But good quality of life and peace of mind is worth it.” Based on her research, Sicile-Kira has compiled the majority of available resources into an accessible handbook that provides information on topics such as romantic and sexual relationships, finding appropriate living arrangements for true self-sufficiency and acquiring and keeping a job. The author breaks each large, seemingly overwhelming undertaking into small, doable tasks. Bulleted lists sum up each chapter and help readers remain focused and on-track. Equally as effective are the short essays and “top ten tips for parents,” written by Jeremy. His voice gives a personal, honest perspective on the daily life, expectations and hopes of someone with special needs who wants to become as integrated into adult society as possible. Additional resources include reading material and websites for care providers and people on the spectrum.

A proactive method for raising an adult child with special needs.

 -Kirkus  Book Review

When it comes to autism, some things get easier and some things get harder as they get older.  Neurotypicals at 23 can be ornery, and so can 23 year olds on the spectrum.  Some things don’t change.

Although the transition to the teen years can be difficult; the transition to adulthood can be even more challenging. It’s a balance between giving them the freedom to make their own decisions, and providing the familiarity of structure  they seem to need.  Some days can be tough. On those days, I think of the British war poster given to me by a friend that I have hanging in my office.

Such was  my son Jeremy’s response when I asked him recently in what ways we could best support him in moving towards being more independent and feeling ready for supported living. Just goes to show you that even when you are living with non-verbals you have to watch what you say. Not just in choosing your vocabulary, but also in what you complain about.

Jeremy has probably overhead me say more that a few times, “I’m so sick of this crap!” when looking at the piles of official paperwork that needs to be filled out, sent in, or filed. And the pile of stuff that just seems to accumulate everywhere if you don’t immediately recycle it or find another home for it.

So I’m not perfect (at least not when verbalizing at home). And Jeremy has been learning to do his own crap, just not enough of it. I guess we need to ante up his crap-load. Stay tuned!

But I’m back here today – because I woke up this morning from a really weird dream brought on by my daytime worries.  Even if the dream involved Johnny Depp (more on the dream, later),  obviously I am overwhelmed and stressed  – probably like many of you reading this. And I wanted to share something I hope will be helpful.

After I woke up from my dream (and got over the initial excitement of having visited with Johnny Depp while still in my own bed) I decided enough was enough, and that I had to start walking the talk I give autism parents about taking care of themselves.

So I decided to follow the advice of  Chris Brogan. I received an email describing how in the last few years Chris has skipped the tradition of creating New Year’s Resolutions (soon forgotten) and instead he  creates  three words that describe what he wants to focus on for the coming year.  I thought that was a great idea and could help my stress level.

Here are my three words: (none of which are Johnny or Depp):

Produce:  I have great ideas, and I follow through when there are clear-cut deadlines ( for a publisher or a speaking engagement), but my own professional projects (AutismCollege.com)  and  personal ones (exercise,  develop my personal relationships, mentor my autistic son Jeremy in reaching his life goals) don’t get completed in a timely fashion.  So this year, I will produce the projects I have identified as crucial and dear to my heart. Which takes me to my second word…

Flow: In order to have more time to produce, I need to eliminate distractions and clutter in all areas of my life. I’m interested in so many things and I easily get distracted so I am learning to have blinders like a racing horse does and focus on the finish line. Horses can still sense what they may not necessarily see, and I hope I have the same instincts when necessary.

Collaborate: Often I am so busy with outside deadlines that I don’t make the effort to spend time with people who I could effectively partner with to reach mutually beneficial professional and personal goals.  This year, I will focus on collaborating with like-minded people who have similar goals.

Hopefully, what I’ve shared is helpful to you. However, I know most of you just want to hear about my dream involving Johnny Depp (rated PG). So here it is:

I dreamt I was visiting my daughter, Rebecca, who was staying with a musician friend, helping him break into the music business. (Rebecca is a volunteer DJ at the UC Davis radio station).  Johnny Depp was staying there as well (big surprise!). While I’m there Johnny asks Rebecca to help him with the computer to hear an on-line training course that is discussing streams of income and sales funnels and handling your wealth.  I am nervous meeting Johnny, so I try to make conversation  about how Rebecca could use information  like that because she is having such a tough time finding a part time job (reality) while at college, and could use money, and as I continue talking I realize that I sound like I am asking Johnny Depp for money and for a job for Rebecca, which I am not. I’m just having a bad case of  foot in- mouth disease.  I feel really stupid. Only my daughter was more embarrassed than I was.  We climb into a small boat to reach the small stage where Rebecca’s musician friend is playing, and getting out of the boat I splash my husband’s best friend from New Jersey, and his wife and practically drown them. Embarrassment after embarrassment. You know the feeling.

That’s my dream. So this morning I woke up, wrote PRODUCE, FLOW, COLLABORATE on a piece of paper and put it on the dining room table (center of the house) and every time I do something now I ask if it fits in with my goals. I’ll keep you posted on how my three words work out.

What are you focusing on this year?

If you are still reading this far and you know Johnny Depp, tell him I’m not asking for money, but if he needs info on autism, tell him to check out my books and websites, and to call me if he has time for lunch. We could collaborate on something. Hopefully, his good looks won’t be too much of a distraction.

Best wishes  to you and your family for 2012!

Dear Chantal,

I am currently reading your book Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum,… I have a son who is 27 and throughout his entire life he has been different… Recently I have come to believe he is autistic. My girl friend who has a 13 year old autistic son, says she has always wanted to tell me that she feels the same way in the belief that he is of the autism spectrum, possibly Aspergers. He has almost all the symptoms. I am now in the process of trying to get my son into some doctors in Melbourne, FL who are specialists… He has been a struggle to raise with all of his illnesses and challenges. He has been with disabilities since he was 4. We have been seeing the same psychiatrist for 22 years and were going to the same pediatrician for 17 years. …Why has no doctor been unable to suggest this diagnosis? Help me please. I am very interested in knowing if you have any other books out for adolescents and young adults with autism and/or Aspergers?

Jamie in Florida

Dear Jamie,

It wasn’t until 1994 that Asperger Syndrome was added to the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which is used for establishing diagnoses. It is only in recent years that Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) has become more understood and recognized by professionals and parents. That is why many adults with AS were actually misdiagnosed as children, often with bipolar, schizophrenia, OCD, and so on. You are right to look for a specialist experienced with Aspergers to ascertain if your son falls on the spectrum. Being properly diagnosed is useful for knowing why someone is the way he is and what strategies can be helpful in the areas in which he may have challenges.

My latest book, Autism Life Skills, based on interviews with adults on the spectrum may be helpful to you and your son to find out what many people on the spectrum say has been helpful to them. As well, you and your son may find GRASP a useful resource for more information.

Chantal

I have spent seven years at Torrey Pines High School.

Three years ago, I walked the graduation ceremony. Today I walk the same path, in the same cap and gown, but I have now earned my academic diploma.

My education at Torrey Pines has been my greatest achievement. I was once diagnosed autistic and severely retarded. When I arrived at Torrey Pines, I could not communicate and I spent my days in a class for the severely handicapped. Now I am going to college. I am writing a book about my life. I have become an inspiration nationally to many parents and educators of children with autism.

My story is like Helen Keller’s, the deaf, mute, and blind girl. Helen Keller had a teacher, Anne Sullivan, who taught her and took her out of isolation. My first great teacher was my mom, then the high school teachers.

My favorite story about Torrey Pines is when my teacher, Allan Gustafson, realized for the very first time that I understood everything. He was really trying to learn how to communicate with me. He said “Jeremy, I know you are in there somewhere. I can’t know what you are capable of unless you tell me.” I looked at him and saw tears in his eyes. I really wanted to make him happy. My nice teacher continued to try and reach me. He said, “Give me a sign.” I looked at him and spelled with him for the first time. Great teacher Allan was so happy.

The teachers here gave me good advice on more than just the subjects they taught. They understood that I might be different on the outside, but that on the inside I was just like any other student. Other important people include the ladies in the administration building who always said “hi” to me, and told me they were happy to see me. My speech teacher, Dr. Palmer, was nice, even if she tried to convince me to become a Republican. An exciting memory from this campus is when an MTV camera crew followed me around campus for the show, True Life: “I Have Autism”.

I would like to thank Bruce Cochrane, Director of Pupil Services, for the chance he took and the faith he had in me. I would like to thank the administrators, the school staff, the educators, (including Maureen and Janine), for allowing my voice to be heard. Without you, my life would still be imprisoned in darkness.

Nicely I wish I had made more friends from my years here. Being autistic, that is the hardest part. It is important to include all students in general education classes so they can be with their peers.

When Helen Keller grew up, she graduated from college, became an author, and an advocate for people with disabilities. I hope to do the same.

My real message to you today is:

Teachers, never underestimate your students no matter how disabled they may appear or what difficulties they face.

Parents, believe in your children and encourage them to fulfill their dreams.

Students, give yourself the power to hear the voice inside telling you that you can create the life you dream of. Believe in yourself, and never allow anyone to discourage you.

This blog was first published on PsychologyToday.com on  March 19, 2011

In the past nonverbal children with autism were considered mentally retarded, and those who had difficulties in communication were considered intellectually slow. Now it has become more widely recognized that autism has nothing to do with intelligence.

Studies show that often children who are performing at grade level or above in school, have IQ scores that show them to have below average or even mentally deficient intelligence levels. IQ scores of children on the autism spectrum may not be accurate reflections of their innate intellectual potential.

For a child to perform to their ability on a standard IQ tests such as the WISC-IV and the Stanford-Binet, they must be able to quickly respond to verbal questions and have well developed motor skills. However, these are areas that are difficult for those with autism. In effect, these IQ tests do not tap the true cognitive ability of many children on the autistic spectrum, but rather tell us more about their communication and motor difficulties.

Children and teens with autism spectrum disorders are impacted by sensory processing challenges, and this as well can effect test results. A student may not be able to respond in a room with bright fluorescent lights or in an environment not conducive to someone with sensory processing issues.

Another reason why it is hard to know how much a person on the spectrum understands is that many with Asperger’s Syndrome may do well in answering test questions, but not necessarily realize how the information relates to them personally. For example, a middle school student may be able to tell you what he heard in health class, but he may not not understand or realize how this information (ie sex education) relates to him personally. For this reason, it is important that parents and educators ensure that students really have processed the information on a personal level.

It is important to remember that just because a person cannot talk does not mean that they are not understanding what is going on around them, what they are hearing in class, or reading in books. Conversely, just because a person sits in a class and can repeat to you what was said, does not mean he has internalized and learned it.

Joshua D Feder, MD, Child and Family Psychiatrist has these suggestions to make about administering psychological assessments :

• Think of all the sensory processing difficulties a child may be experiencing. For one-on-one testing, make sure that the room is quiet, has few visual distractions, and is not too brightly lit.

• Consider the difficulties of transitions for those with autism. Sometimes, clear explanations of what you will be doing together, what comes next, and what comes after, makes a big difference. Frequent breaks may be needed.

• Pay attention to regulation and co-regulation issues. Do testing with the child not to the child. Pay attention to joint attention and engagement, and find the balance between having expectations and trying to build rapport.

• Recognize that one-on-one testing may not show a child’s difficulties with same tasks attempted in the classroom. Children with an ASD may have been taught the ‘right’ answers, but ability to utilize the information may is limited. This is especially true with tests of pragmatic language that ask about what to do in social situations. Careful classroom and recess/lunchtime observations are an essential part of the evaluation.

• For younger or nonverbal children, it is important to observe what they chose to play with, and what they initiate in their actions. This initiation is often the key to finding what motivates them and what we can capitalize upon to help a child co-regulate and connect and move forward in social and cognitive growth

• For more verbal children, we often do not do projective testing with these children, however, the rates of depression and other secondary mental health problems are very high, and projectives often give us a way to understand the child’s experience of the world.

• There may be a lot of scatter in the subtests, so that more refined neuropsychiatric testing may be needed

The reality is, It’s hard to know how much a person on the autism spectrum knows because of the communication, motor, and sensory difficulties they may have, as well as the ability some have to repeat information that has not been internalized. All these things need to be considered when doing psychological assessments.

For more general information on Autism, read 41 Things To Know About Autism, and visit Autism College.